Forsinkede tårer.

Jeg græder lidt og kort hver dag. Kan ikke græde mere end det selvom jeg prøver. Det giver en forfærdelig hovedpine, smerter der stråler ud til hver en nerve i kroppen. Det er fra min barndom, for de 17 år hvor jeg ikke turde vise hvem jeg var, mine følelser eller mine tanker, jeg var bange, vidste folk så mig som svag og genert, og den søde pige. Jeg turde ikke græde ikke engang om natten, for hvis mine søstre hørte det ville de blive kede af det,bange og bekymrede. Jeg ville ikke skade dem, jeg ville sørge for med mit liv som indsats, at der intet skulle ske dem, at ingen skulle gøre dem fortræd og ingen skulle smadre deres liv. At mor ikke skulle lykkes med at vi ikke skulle se far mere, for det var ikke rigtigt, hun var egoistisk og tog fejl. Selvom jeg har en syg far, selvom jeg selv er syg, så skal ingen tro de kender mig bedre end jeg selv gør.

Robin 10 måneder!

Er min søde Robin skat, ikke blevet en stor missekat? Jo det er han da i den grad. Se lige han fylder hele sengen!

Og han er så bløøøød. <'3

Fallen Angel.

- by me. Billedet er ikke mit.

Love you for eternal days.

Love you for eternal days.

I see your pain and feel your tears

It’s been going on too many years

The cruelty you’ve got from what strangers said

The judgment of those you’ve never met

Wise doctors’ final words about who you are

To force you to be calm again with pills

And let you go for a while alone

And take you in by enforcement again

They say you are insane, do you believe them?

That you’re so mental disabled as you can be

And that time will make no different to see

Sometimes it sounds like they have given up on you

Did it ever cross their mind; it is a product of the past

Which is still going strong, since no one stops it at last?

Everyone with a past like yours would have a broken soul

And would have a fear of things getting even worse

Most would honesty not be alive by now

So the wise ones should praise you for your strength

Not talk down to you about being empty and unstable

The sad thing is, people will never understand what it does

To humans to be left alone in the dark until someone blows out the light

I know some scars in the soul will never heal

But like for everyone else, you can get where you want

You can change the future, but not the past

You can make sure the misery won’t last

But you will have to let go of some of the theories

You’ve used to keep people away, and to make them stay

Find and use new methods to deal with pain and feelings

It will not be easy, that’s for sure, but it will be worth it

I love you with every part of my body and soul

And your pain hurts to see, when I wish you could be with me

So I could put you under my wings of protection and love

I can’t fix it all, with a magic wand

But I will give you everything I can and have

I bet you wonder what I want back

I want nothing but you to trust and love me

Then I will go through fire for you

Sometimes two people with the worst pasts

Can make the best future together

I will watch your back; I will catch you when you fall

Just take my hand, and I will walk with you

In the good times enjoy every day, every moment

Laugh, smile and act silly in the long nights

But always have one eye open to be prepared

When the bad times hit, letting you know

I’m not leaving, so tell me what you need

I can be your voice, when you can’t speak

And take the fights for you, when you feel weak

I want to walk with you till the end of life

Grow old, and see where we end up in time

Don’t be afraid, of showing your pain

I won’t run away, I know a lot is stuck in your soul

Take my hand, and I will never let it go

No matter where life takes us, even when we’re apart

My love for you is still growing in my heart

I love you like I never loved anyone before

You’re unique and with a heart of gold

You’re a fortune and you don’t know, never been told

Let’s dance through all rivers in the world, taking every step together

Nothing is big enough to be in the way, not the sky or the oceans

So come what may, I will love you for eternal days

Skrevet af mig, i 2012.

Et menneske til et andet.

Jeg tror på mirakler, magi, kærlighed og lykkelige slutninger.
Jeg tror på det bedste i alle. Jeg tror alle har noget at bidrage med inden i, men nogle har aldrig fået chancen.
Jeg havde fornyligt, en støtte/kontaktperson fra kommunen, pga. psykiske problemer. Og hun fortalte mig en historie om en der boede på det botilbud, hun er tilknyttet, der bekræftede min teori. Her er hvad hun fortalte.

"Der var en mand, der boede på det her bosted, for kronisk mentalt meget syge typisk lidt oppe i årene.  Denne mand, havde haft et helt normalt liv, med kone, børn og job. Pludselig var konen gået fra ham og taget børnene med sig, og han mistede sit job næsten samtidig, han gik ned med stress og depression og endte på psykiatrisk afdeling. Trods alt det han havde været igennem, op til, mente de hans sociale afstand var tegn på svær depression og psykose. De gav ham en masse medicin, meget mere end det anbefalede. Det endte med hans hjerne tog skade af medicinen og han fik en varig hjerneskade af det antipsykotiske medicin. Det hæmmede hans kommunikation, hans motorik og sprog. Derfor blev han nu set som svært skizofren, og flyttet til det her bosted, hvor personalet anså ham som værende farlig. Han havde aldrig krummet et hår på nogen. Min KP da hun startede der, omkring dette tidpunkt, fik hun at vide hun skulle passe på, fordi han var voldelig. Hun var nervøs over ham og undgik ham. Det gik hende på, og hun endte med at tage det op med superviseren, der sagde hun måtte ligge det bag sig, hvad andre havde sagt og se på hvad han egentlig gjorde. Hun gik forbi ham de kommende uger uden at gå i en bue udenom. Han bemærkede det. Efter den tid, satte hun sig på stolen ved siden af ham, uden at sige noget. De talte ikke, men han bemærkede det. Efter et par uger, talte hun til ham, og til hendes forbavselse, svarede han helt normalt og roligt. De kommende uger, snakkede de sammen hver dag, og gik ud af huset og han åbnede sig hurtigt op til noget ingen af de andre personale havde troet på, selvom han havde været der i et par år. Han havde humor, sociale kompetancer og på ingen måde farlig eller ubegavet."

Det eneste han havde brug for, var en der ikke dømte ham på forhånd, men som gav ham en hjælpende hånd, uden at kræve noget tilbage.

Tears of a broken soul.

Det her er et digt jeg selv har skrevet, der er nogle mindre sprog fejl, man måske ville have rettet, men i mit hoved, giver det mening, selvom det ikke er rent grammatisk. Det handler om følelser.

Tears, Tears in my face,
Real tears, tears of real pain,
I put on my strong face,
I do not freak out, or break down,
But deep inside I just crumble on the ground,

Some days I wish I would just die, 

That my body would get the peace it needs, 

That my soul could go to heaven, 

That I would stay alive in the heart,

Of those who noticed me,

My life, my fights and my heart to care, 

To love no matter how hard the pain would be when it's gone.

I can lay here now, just smiling silent, 

Of a picture of your face, in my mind. 

Not knowing if I ever see you again. 

But I know the love for you is in my vains, the blood that flows. 

You are in my beating heart

And my shin and fragile bones, still standing strong. 

You fill my mind, my thoughts and my dreams, my words and ears. 

You fill my body with feelings I never had before, 

Not like this, this is real. 

Nothing in my life's been real, though I never lied, 

I just rarely gave out of my deepest mind, 

since there wasn't anything there to find. 

Never any joy in my life, 

Other than the ones I made up in my head. 

The dreams, the fantasy, the imagination, the faiths, truths, hopes and wishes. 

That some day, I would be able to be whoever I was. 

So much has happened in so few years, so much to deal with, so much pain. 

I keep pushing on, because I need to get to the other side,

To get my silent mind, to let the time, and nightmares wash out the horror in my mind. 

I'm sometimes scared not to get out, 

To die running through fire, for the water on the other side,

I'm scared of anything, anyone and anywhere, 

I see danger, where I go, and where I stay. 

YOU are my guardian angel. 

The protector of my heart, my soul and my will. 

I love you, always did, always will. 

No matter what I said, or say, or how hard I push you away. 

It's painful to see you suffer. 

It's a nightmare in the day, 

it's worrying and upsetting, and scary. 

It's a lot of pain, but compared to what I gain,

it's worth it. 

You are worth it. 

You are a hidden tresure, a golden kind, a lost soul walking around. 

You are looking for a right pill, a magic spell, a wise old man, or a hidden land. 

Sometimes it's so obvious, and yet so strange, 

that we never notice, before it's too late,

Grab a chance, stick to it,

Maybe, it can chance everything, 

The earth can crack, the sun burn out, 

The oceans dry in, and the wind get cold, 

But every day, I hope, I pray and wish for the day to come,where I can to go to bed, knowing my heart and mind is safe,..... and wake up, seeing a smile on your face.

Muffins!

Yay. Fik lige bagt nogle muffins forleden, og kunne ikke lige lade være at lege lidt med glasur. YAY. Har  stadig omkring 17 styks tilbage, hæhæ.
Det er banan og chokolademuffins. <3 font="">